The worst time to build a relationship is five minutes before you need something.
Yet that is exactly how many leaders approach major generosity.
A project emerges. A campaign begins. A financial need appears. Someone makes a list of wealthy people.
Then the phone calls begin.
That's backwards.
Before I ever make a significant financial invitation, I want to understand five things about a person: their story, their family, their faith, their passions, and their calling.
First, understand their story.
How did they get here? Was the wealth inherited or built? Were there years of struggle before success? What sacrifices were made? What failures shaped them?
Their story tells you more than their financial statement ever will.
Second, understand their family.
Money is rarely an individual issue. A major gift may affect a spouse, children, grandchildren, business partners, trusts, or an estate. Honoring those relationships matters.
Third, understand their faith.
Where are they spiritually? What has God been teaching them? How do they think about stewardship? Have they ever experienced the joy of extraordinary generosity?
Don't assume.
Ask.
Fourth, understand their passions.
People become animated when you discover what God has put in their hearts.
Children. Missions. Education. Evangelism. Church planting. The next generation. Poverty. Leadership.
Listen long enough and you'll discover what makes their heart beat faster.
Finally, understand their calling.
This may be the most important conversation of all.
I love asking successful people some version of this question:
Why do you think God entrusted all of this to you?
That's not a fundraising question.
That's a discipleship question.
And sometimes it changes everything.
By the time you finally present an opportunity, you shouldn't simply know what someone could give.
You should have a much better understanding of what God might be doing in their life.
Then the ask becomes natural.
You're no longer saying, “We need your money.”
You're saying, “Based on everything we've talked about, I think this opportunity may intersect with what God is already doing in your heart.”
That's a very different conversation.
Great generosity usually begins long before the ask.
It begins with listening.