You should know the name of their spouse before you know the size of their gift.
That sentence alone would change the way some churches approach high-capacity people.
There is nothing wrong with knowing someone's capacity. If you're leading a major vision, understanding the people God has placed around you is part of leadership. But capacity should never become identity.
People are more than what they can give.
I've watched wealthy people become suspicious of churches because they have experienced a predictable pattern. The church discovers they have resources. Suddenly they receive special invitations. Leaders want lunch. Someone wants to show them a project.
Eventually they begin wondering, Do these people actually care about me—or just what I can do for them?
That's a fair question.
One of the greatest gifts a pastor can give a high-capacity person is a relationship that isn't dependent on their generosity.
Call when you're not asking for anything.
Pray for their family.
Celebrate their anniversary.
Ask about the decision keeping them awake at night.
Visit them when they're sick.
Talk about their spiritual life before talking about their financial life.
And when they give generously, thank them—but don't suddenly treat them differently.
Because generosity isn't supposed to purchase access to the pastor.
Our responsibility is to shepherd people.
Now here's the other side: truly pastoring someone also means we cannot ignore their wealth.
If God has entrusted someone with extraordinary resources, those resources are part of their discipleship.
We wouldn't ignore someone's marriage when talking about following Jesus. We wouldn't ignore their character. We wouldn't ignore their leadership.
Why would we ignore their money?
Pastoring the person means eventually talking about the portfolio—not because we want access to it, but because Jesus wants access to every part of their life.
That's the difference.
Fundraising says, “How much can this person give?”
Pastoring asks, “What does obedience look like for this person?”
Sometimes those two questions may lead to the same gift.
But they come from completely different hearts.
One is transactional.
The other is transformational.
Don't build relationships around people's capacity.
Build relationships around their calling.
Then help them discover how everything God has placed in their hands can become part of something that lasts forever.